


Light Years

by CannedPeachez



Category: Star Wars, star wars the rise of skywalker
Genre: A crash and burn, Ach-To, Age Play, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bad Kylo, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Bittersweet Ending, Childbirth, Dominant Kylo Ren, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Evil Kylo Ren, Exegol, F/M, Fingering, Fix-It, Fix-It Post canon, Force Bond, Guilt, Jakku, Jedi, Jedi Masters - Freeform, Kylo Ren - Freeform, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren is Not Redeemed, Lightsabers, Pregnancy, Rape, Ritual Sex, Rituals, Rough Sex, Secrets, Sex, Sith, Sith Ritual Magic, Sith Rituals, Sith magic, Smut, Tatooine, Underage - Freeform, Unplanned Pregnancy, Virgin Rey, not a slow burn, virginity lost
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:27:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22210975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CannedPeachez/pseuds/CannedPeachez
Summary: A month after the events that lead the rebel forces to victory against the empire, Rey Skywalker is still dealing with the trauma. Having lost Leia, Ben, and an identity she had held onto since childhood, it begins to take its toll. She’ll soon find out that the biggest secrets she’s kept from everyone will cause rifts in friendships and relationships, and that actions have consequences that could literally shape the future and destinies of everyone for decades to come.
Relationships: Finn & Rey (Star Wars), Finn/Rey (Star Wars), Finn/Rose Tico, Kylo Ren/Rey, Poe Dameron/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Rose Tico, Reylo
Comments: 11
Kudos: 120





	1. The Dream

Part 1

** **

_ And I'm sorry I'm sorry  _

_ That I can't stay  _

_ I'm sorry  _

_ We're light years away  _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She still remembered their final kiss. It had been too brief. He tasted of salt and sweat and... _ life _ . But there was a hint of something else on his lips that fateful day. Something else he’d revealed in their heated exchange that uncovered a thousand hidden volumes, a million unspoken words. Something in the wry smile that curled the corners of his mouth and melted into something genuine, something real. The faintest hint of knowing was still warm against her slightly parted mouth as she watched him take his last breath. And then he gently laid on the ground just as he had so many times before, evaporating into thick swirls of inky black clouds. Back to the endless dark void he’d materialized from. 

Wait . The ending was all wrong. It always was. 

She hated to think his essence, his spirit, might be trapped in nothingness. For all he was, one thing Ben Solo was not was forgettable. How could she forget  him ? How could Rey ever forget what they had started out as and what they inevitably became...

Rey clung to the hope that he was at peace somewhere and with the force. But try as she might, Ben’s essence had not materialized the way that Luke’s or Leia’s had in her greatest time of need. And what she had needed most since helping to free the galaxy, was him. And though they had a rare and incredibly powerful force-bond, she had not felt him in **weeks.**

It had been a little over a month since the events that led the rebellion to victory. And every night since she had reunited with her friends, no—her  family , she had cried herself to sleep with an aching she had never known existed until his absence. She knew she should be elated to finally be free from the loneliness, the sense of abandonment, and the family name she was born with—and she was! She would forever be grateful for Leia’s sacrifice, Luke’s blunt honesty, Poe’s fight, Finn’s undying loyalty, and for the Resistance’s acceptance and camaraderie...

But she missed him. And no one knew. No one could know. They wouldn’t understand. Even worse, would they even care? While Ben Solo had given his life force to bring her back, Kylo Ren had murdered countless others, massacring entire villages and planets to hunt her down because she posed a threat to a monster she shared blood ties with.And while he had defied his master more than once for her, what was more forgivable? Rey didn’t have that answer.

And now, as her dream faded along with the ethereal form of him, she turned in her sleep, lips parting to emit a small sob. It was just loud enough to waken her, but not Rose Tico, who slept peacefully across the room unaware to the silent torment her friend endured nightly. Rey’s cheeks were once again tear stained and her pillow damp. She sat up in her bunk after a moment, blinking heavily against the dark. The room was silent in direct contrast to the hammering of her heartbeat against her chest and the deafening thrumming in her ears. She was sure Rose had heard because the other girl turned onto her side to face the wall, but quickly fell silent yet again. 

As sleep slowly waned, the realization that Rey had been dreaming yet again dawned on her and caused her to draw her knees to her chest, toned arms wrapping around them in a tight hug.

It was just a dream. He’s not here. He’s gone, Rey. For good.

That very thought stung her somewhere deep and she lowered her head onto her knees, face turned to rest on her left cheek, a fresh stream of tears flowing freely from closed eyes. Her stomach roiled against her then as she recited her month long mantra. The more she said it, the more sick she felt. 

_ He’s gone, Rey. For good. He’s dead. Ben’s gone. Get over it. He’s gone. Gone. GONE! _

The weight of the last thought undid her. A strong wave of nausea overcame her and she unfolded limbs to scramble towards the edge of her bed where she unceremoniously vomited that night’s dinner onto the floor. Luckily for Rey, there had not been much expelled as she had barely touched her food earlier that night. The young Jedi slowly lifted herself from the edge of her mattress, one hand rising so that fingers could swipe at the increasingly annoying strands of dark brown that softly tickled her face as she sat upright in her bed once again. She breathed long and deep , a little alarmed that she had been vomiting in the early hours of each morning over that past week. That thought was quickly pushed down as she acknowledged the growing headache forming.

With her head aching slightly and another wave of nausea rearing its ugly head, she decided to lay back against the pillows, too tired and nauseous to get up and clean her own sick. Normally it would be embarrassing for her, but exhaustion had already begun to claim her body and infiltrate her thoughts. 

Those thoughts were becoming as languid as her body as she sunk into deeper into the soft pillows and warm blanket, teardrops still clinging to long lashes. 

Rey wondered how long she’d grieve for him. How long she could keep up the appearance of just being ‘okay’. Her thoughts mixed with his cool, tempered words as her breathing evened into slumber.

_“The dark side is in our nature, surrender to it.”_

And she had. More than once. But those were secrets kept close to her heart. Because who would understand if they knew that the man she secretly grieved for, the man that had caused so much destruction and heartache for others and for herself, had been the man that she let share her bed?


	2. The Summoning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The buildup to smut in Chapter 3 >_<

I fell in love with the feeling. 

I didn't fall in love with you. 

There was a song I was singing 

But it wasn't meant for you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If anyone had told Rey that she would be a moisture farmer on Tatooine after the empire fell, she would have snort laughed in their faces. But here she was, rebuilding her former Master’s childhood home. She had no issues with installing and repairing the vaporators to harvest the moisture for additional income and it was an honest living.

In some ways it made her feel closer to the Skywalkers...and to  _him_ . She was grateful that no one else knew Ben was a reason for her choices as of late. But the farm also brought her a busied peace in her waking hours.

Afterall, this home was where it all began in a way. Moisture farming was hard work and wore on the body which Rey didn’t mind.

It kept her fit and healthy although she had felt more sluggish as the days wore on. She chalked it up to her restless nights and lucid dreams. 

The tears she shed each night were replaced with gentle smiles and lots of laughter during the day thanks to her friends. Poe, Finn, Rose, and Kaydel Ko Connix kept her going, even the droids C-3PO, R2-D2, and BB-8 provided some form of company. But sometimes she felt that her friends were only a distraction from the deep depression she felt herself helplessly falling into.

They had all agreed to stay with her for as long as it took to get the house and farm up and running again, a few even declaring they’d stay on even after that. Rey was forever grateful for her friends and felt a tinge of sadness thinking about the day that they would leave.

Still, there were quiet moments during the day when that tinge of sadness overwhelmed her and she’d given in to it, finding a reason to be alone; whether that was excusing herself from the group, or withdrawing from conversations or activities altogether. 

She did this by expressing exhaustion or needing to check on the vaporators. Sometimes not even meditating helped, only leaving her more frustrated in the process when in the past it had been a great comfort to connect to the Force.

While none of her friends had made mention of the much quieter Rey, it had not gone unnoticed.

Now it was high noon and the binary suns were brutal. The blinding white horizon glimmered in heatwaves as the small group worked without complaint. Rey kept stopping in 20 minute intervals to drink water from the canteen she had slung across her hip, irritated that she kept tiring so easily.

This wasn’t like her. She was in the best shape of her life. With her water almost depleted, she worried that she wouldn’t get another vaporator functioning before it was time to quit for the day.

As she walked back towards the tool station to rummage through the scrap, she was greeted by a sweaty Finn, a wide smile gracing his features despite the sweat the dripped from his brow. She couldn’t help but return a small smile back before absentmindedly looking at the tools once again.

_“Damn girl. By the time we fix this piece of junk we’ll be as dusty as this planet.”  
_

Rey laughed lightly, looking up from the tools to find Finn studying her, his gaze concerned. She gave a loud huff and rolled her eyes, looking back at her distraction with a light frown.

_ “Would you quit that? I’m fine Finn.  Really .” _

Finn watched her pick up a large wrench before tossing it back into the box, fingers searching for something else to toy with.

_“If you’re fine, then I’m a Jedi.” _

Rey scoffed before snapping her gaze back to him, eyes cut into slits. She hated when he got like this. She hated that he knew that something was bothering her lately. 

_“And I miss the days when you were oblivious.”_

Her eyes widened at how biting her words had been, a small inhale of hot air taken before she shook her head and reached out to touch his arm.

_“Dammit, Finn. I didn’t mean it that way. I’m sorry...I’m just really—“  
_

Finn looked as if he had been struck across the face, a hard swallow given before he glanced out over their sweltering workspace.

_ “Tired? Yeah, I know...And you did mean that. But you  are sorry.” _

His smile waned only slightly as he continued to watch the others coming and going around the site. A small, sad shake of his head left Rey feeling torn.

“_I don’t know what’s with you these days, Rey. It’s like you’re here but you’re not. I miss the old Rey. We all do. But I’m willing to wait until all of _ _ this  is out of your system.” _

Her brows furrowed at his words, a small scowl forming on her lips.

“ _ **This** is my home now, Finn.  **This** is where I’ll stay. And it’s become quite clear that  **this** is something you’ll never understand if it doesn’t center around you.” _

Finn opened his mouth to rebut, however, Rey had already slammed down a particularly heavy tool, it clattering against the others loudly and stalked off toward the vaporators the farthest from where he stood.

The others were now all staring in their direction silent but knowing, all work having ceased. Even C-3PO, who would normally have something awkward to say could only manage an _“_ _Oh, dear.”_

Finn gave a small sheepish laugh before raising a hand to the back of his head.

The rest of that day went by in a sluggish haze, an audible relief from all when it was finally time to quit. The group spent the evening preparing dinner as they did every night after work. It was Rey’s favorite part of the day. There were a lot of jokes, taste testing, music and nostalgic story telling that she drank up just like water.

It was no different this particular evening, though Rey did try to keep direct contact with Finn to a minimum. She felt ill at ease with his comparing her new home to a passing hobby. It left a bad taste in her mouth and her head ached to think about it. Not to mention his professing his love yet again. She had never really addressed it.

After dinner, when the suns had sunk low beyond the horizon, the homestead burned brightly with light against the black canvas of the night sky. The music flowed along with Poe’s stash of Blackfire Brew he’d confiscated on a quick trip to Castilon.

Rey danced amongst her friends, listening to the droids wonky style of music that was both fun and lively. C-3PO played the flute while R2-D2 projected some song he’d recorded during his travels. Everyone was dancing with each other, hooking arms and spinning around before switching partners and speeding up with the music’s tempo. The object of the dance was to see who could last the longest before falling over, half drunk and dizzy with laughter.

Rey had just swung into a frenzied twirl, arm hooked in at the elbow with one of Poe’s, both laughing and slightly winded when she heard it. The galactic flute music was suddenly distorted, a muffled organ being heard somewhere in the distance. They weren’t cohesive. She looked petrified.

Fear suddenly gripped her chest, the twirling blurring her surroundings as she began to panic. The volume and intensity of the organ was rising, becoming more clear. It was hauntingly beautiful. _Where had she heard it before?_

She managed to look at Poe who stared back, alarmed.

_ “ Rey? Are you ok? Rey? REY?!” _

The last thing Rey remembered before she fainted into unconsciousness was the haunting organ melody and a deep voice beckoning her eyes from beyond.

***************

Rey was dreaming again. She knew it. But she couldn’t wake herself up from reliving memories that happened not long ago.

The location Kylo Ren had summoned her to through the force bond reminded Rey of Jakku. It was barren and arid and devoid of life. The only difference was that it remained in eternal twilight, a stark contrast to the blazing heat and brightness of her home world. And there was that feeling in the pit of her stomach again, the one she couldn’t shake. The feeling of dread.

They left her feeling uneasy and not in control. Were they actually real? She was beginning to think so. Afterall, he’d managed to snatch that beaded necklace right from her neck back on Pasaana.

She felt his presence before she saw him and heard his song, dangerously alluring, as she drew closer. When she rounded the corner to walk into the main hall she all but gasped. He stood with his back to her, facing a large, flat, table-like altar of black agate. His tall form was dressed in his signature black from head to toe, shoulders draped by a long black cloak slightly frayed at its hem.

Thankfully, he was not wearing his helmet. 

The musical undercurrent she had heard before arriving now erupted into a dramatic pipe organ solo, the dark energy it created causing ripples and swirls to materialize around him in time with the notes.

Though he knew she had arrived, he still had his back to her. A black leathered glove reached forward to place a hand on the altar as he spoke, his voice deep and controlled yet laced with curiosity.

_“You followed the music. Sith magic. What do you hear?”_

Rey swallowed nervously before inching closer but still keeping a safe enough distance. He seemed pleased with himself and too casual for her liking. So she turned her lightsaber on without warning, body tensed and ready for battle.

_ “ Where’s the wayfinder?” _

Ren turned then, one thick black brow arching as he inched closer. He was slowly removing his gloves while descending the stairs that led to the altar. It seemed to Rey that he was too calm. She cut her eyes in his direction, watching him suspiciously.

_“Straight to the point today...The wayfinder is not here.”_

Rey looked incredulous as she shook her head.  “_You’re lying. I know you have it.”_

He considered her question before stopping a few feet from her.  “_Do I?”_

_“Is this another one of your twisted mind games, Kylo? Give it up!”_ Rey was becoming irritated as she watched him remain calm, her own stoic composure cracking.

_“I cannot do that. Not here anyway. I’ve summoned you by using our Force Bond. We’ve willed it and so it is. But there are limits to what we can do. The wayfinder is neither here nor there. Much like ourselves. We’re...somewhere in between.”_

Rey’s brows furrowed deeper still confused by his explanation.

“_Search the Force, Rey. You’ll find your answers there. But, on to more pressing matters...”_

With the casual lift of his hands her lightsaber slipped from her grasp and across the room, flickering before turning off for good.

Ren had finally closed the space between them to face her, his voice pleasant as he spoke. “_If you want the wayfinder...” _As he spoke he unclasped his cape, letting it pool to the floor behind him.

His dark gaze suddenly gleamed with mischievous intent, a hint of Han Solo displayed in his features_._

_” ... then you’ll have to take it from me.”_


	3. The Ritual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains graphic depictions of rape, sex and violence. If easily triggered, be advised.
> 
> There is a 10 or 11 year age difference between Kylo/Ben and Rey. I changed their ages by two years made them both a bit younger. Rey is 17 and Kylo is 28.

Come and find me  
Where we let go  
Come and find me

Where we let go

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rey turned to make a quick dive towards her lightsaber but Kylo was quicker.

He had a vice grip hold on each of her shoulders as she let out a small scream of surprise, his fingertips roughly digging into the soft flesh there to keep her in place. One well muscled arm would hook around her waist, lifting her clear off the ground in one fell swoop. 

The pain was stunning as she was slammed onto the flat surface of the altar, the back of her head hitting the stone hard enough for her to see stars. All of the air in her lungs evaporated as she struggled to catch her breath and register the pain he had inflicted.

With Rey momentarily stunned and gasping for oxygen, Kylo wasted no time in yanking her pants down roughly until they caught around her ankles. A frustrated grunt fell from his lips and he pulled harder against the pants, boots coming off along with them to be thrown haphazardly to the ground, leaving her in just her underwear.

Kylo gathered her small wrists in one hand, bringing them above her head in an iron tight grip. Rey was still slightly dazed as she watched him climb onto the altar, his face hovering above her own, only vaguely aware of her legs parting as his waist and hips roughly nudged between.

With her head throbbing and her vision still swimming she blinked heavily and tried to move against him only to realize she was pinned by his more impressive physical strength and a need far more demanding.

_“Let me go!”_

He ignored her demand, his free hand moving to the waistline of her panties. Fingers dipped beneath the fabric to touch her most sensitive of places sending a shock that rippled throughout her core.

In Ren’s mind there would be no preparing her, no making her ready to receive him...before he did what he needed to do. What he felt  ** _had_ ** to do. Two fingers curled as they reached her entrance and he slowly pushed upward, inch by inch, into the tight heat of her sex.

Reys hips bucked upward on their own, the sudden intrusion of her nether regions causing a mangled scream of pain and panic. He continued to push further into her until he met resistance, cold,dark eyes snapping up to meet her scared green ones in a knowing gaze. There was something eerie and matter-of-fact about his tone, deadly calm and void of any emotion.

_“So it is true. You have remained abstinent according to Jedi customs. This...bodes well.”_

As the panic in Rey began to turn to fear, she twisted her body beneath his in an effort to throw him off, but to no avail. With his hand stuffed between her thighs and the much bigger, well muscled body atop her own, she was no match.

Not even her Jedi training would be helpful here. What could conquer the will and determination of the much more experienced Sith? She could not let this happen.

She gritted her teeth as she gave one last push before stilling, her chest heaving both from the weight he bared down on her and the exhaustion from the attempts to free herself.

_“Get off of me! Now!”_ Her angry demands were all she had left, but even those were now tinged with fear and anticipation and winded breath. She was sure he could sense it.

Ren  had noticed and he gave her an oddly thoughtful look before honoring her request, much to her surprise. He withdrew his fingers from her slowly, sitting up to rest on his knees in front of her as he watched her lift herself to her elbows. Her own gaze was cautious as she stared back. His black hair was disheveled and stark against the porcelain complexion of his face, his eyes two black pools that absorbed all light. She was trembling now, from cold or fear, quite possibly from both. 

Rey finally broke the intense staring match, eyes darting to the door she came through and then around the altar room, searching. She had tried using the force again to escape back into her real time and surroundings but something kept blocking her attempts to break their bond in the in-between.

She could feel her heart in her ears as her temples pounded with pain, the wet trickle of sweat and blood making its way down the ridge of her ear. It was his deep timbre that broke the vast silence, reaffirming what she already knew but dreaded to hear nonetheless.

“_There is no escape, Rey. Not until we both will it. There is a reason our force bond has allowed us to meet here on Exegol. My master has ordered me to kill you yet again. But I cant. We both were fated to serve a higher purpose through the dark side of the force.The Ancient ones command it. Can’t you hear them? No matter...I intend to fulfill their wishes. With your compliance...or not.”_

Rey’s panic was rapidly turning into desperation, a tongue grazing across dry lips before she spoke in a trembling voice barely above a whisper.

“ _This is not the way...there has to be another way. Ben! Please!”_

She immediately regretted speaking the words as soon as they left her mouth. His hand shot up to grip too tightly around her neck, cutting the air flow, snd it was then that she actually feared for her life.

Pleading was not something she did, especially not with  him.  What was worse was that she saw an expressionless face transform in mere seconds. His pale skin reddened with anger, lips curling into a sneer. It was terrifying in the low light and the way the shadows played across his face. He looked like a true monster.

“_Don’t ever use that name again! It is not my choice. It is not yours. It is the will of the Sith who came before us. You will be theirs and I shall claim you in their name. Submit to the dark side, Rey. Submit to me now or face the same fate still. But i warn you: I have no issues killing you if you should try anything._”

Rey knew that Kylo Ren would make good on his promise of hurting her if she should try to escape. The seething anger that emanated from him was raw and unhinged. The tears that welled in her eyes against her own control clouded her vision as she nodded lightly, the rounds of her shoulders slumping forward, defeated. He released his grip on her neck.

As Ren lifted himself from his kneeling position and leaned forward between her legs, a palm touched one of her shoulders, pushing her off of her elbows so that she could lie flat against the cold surface of the altar again.

Rey stifled a sob as she looked up at the high ceilings of the temple. She wished she could fall into it and disappear.

Ren hooked an index finger at the top hem of her underwear, slowly pulling them down past her knees before sliding them down and off to be thrown to the ground with the rest of her clothing.

When she dared a glance at him and what he was doing, she instantly regretted it. He was already hard by the evident bulge that strained against his black trousers. When he unleashed himself from his restraints she suddenly felt faint.

Rey would close her eyes, tears finally spilling onto her face and trickling down the sides of her cheeks as she felt the thick tip of his head nudge against her entrance. She didn’t want to see it. She wanted to remain ignorant to anything  him .

But she knew that it was already too late. They shared a connection. She had some idea of the size of his manhood as she had seen him shirtless back on Ahch-To when they first discovered their force bond.

It wasn’t long after that Luke had caught them nearly touching hands and had put an end to their secret meetings. She also remembered denying taking in the rest of him...down the tapered waist, muscled legs, and back up past the large imprinted hill that hung low and soft between his legs.

Only now it was not soft or low. Now it was hard and hot and demanding entrance to a part of her no other man had ever seen or touched.

Kylo lowered himself atop her, careful to use his free arm to bear the brunt of his weight on it rather than crushing her. His other hand gripped her wrists above her head to keep her pinned beneath him, though his grip was not as tight as before.

Rey opened her eyes then, tears caught in her lashes as she stared at his face and he stared back at her, studying her face, his expression unreadable.

_“Please...B—“_

She was unable to finish her sentence for he had pushed into her viciously and without warning, wrenching a loud and primal cry from her throat as her back arched unnaturally high from the sudden intrusion.His large member met with resistance that he responded to with gritted teeth and a harsh snap of his hips upwards once again. 

Her cries could be heard echoing off the walls of the vast and empty temple with not a soul to answer.

Rey thought she might be ripped apart as his thrusts became harder, her tight inner walls giving way just a bit more each time he surged forward inside of her.  _ **It’s too big** _ .  ** _He’s going to tear me in two._ ** Her thoughts were coming too fast. Between the searing pain between her legs and the full throbbing of her head, she couldn’t make heads or tails of what to focus on to keep from screaming until she passed out.

Perhaps she  _ **should** _ scream until he used the force on her to put her to sleep. Then she would not see or feel the defiling of her body and her spirit at the hands of this...Sith.

The Sith in question seemed to have read her thoughts, his hands leaving her wrists to grip her hips as he lifted them both gently into a sitting position. His lips grazed the ridge of her ear, in a warm, tickling breath as he spoke and although his tone sounded soothing, there was still venom to his lilt.

“_You will do no such thing, little scavenger. I’ll peel your eyelids back with my bare hands if I have to. Open your eyes and see what I am doing to you. Feel what I am doing to you. What this _ _ **Sith** is doing to you.” _

He sat on his heels as she straddled him, fucking up into her with hard and steady strokes. Rey choked back sobs with every jolt to her body, leaning forward so that their chests pressed together tightly, her head resting on his shoulder. 

But she kept her eyes open as he had commanded, focusing on everything, but nothing at all. She was already thinking of ways to kill him when she had the chance.

From her current position, she could feel the whole length of him now, driving deeper and deeper into her tight and bloodied channel. The grip he had on her hips slid to her bottom to lightly spread her cheeks allowing for more room, causing an odd sensation below her bellybutton.

She gripped his broad shoulders then, unsure of what was happening. His breath was warm and buried in the tangles of her hair making her scalp tingle with every exerted effort below.

Rey abruptly realized that she could hear the sounds of their joining, now wet and punctuating his breathy grunts with quiet squelching sounds.  ** _What was this?_ **

The friction on her clit rubbing against his movements suddenly caused a twinge of sensation to occur to her violated and now throbbing womanhood. She gasped loudly, fingernails digging into his still clothed shoulders, her breath hitching as he hit a particularly sensitive spot somewhere deep within.

She was vaguely aware that the pain had subsided enough that with each push into her, a shockwave of electric heat shot up and down her spine and out of the crown of her head. Her whole body felt as if it had caught on fire.  How was this possible?

Her hips seemed to act of their own volition after awhile, grinding down on him with timid rolls that quickly became emboldened when she heard him hiss in satisfaction. She lifted her hips when he pulled away and plunged down to the hilt of his member when he pushed his way back in. He squeezed her ass tighter then, the both of them working in rhythmic unison.

Ren’s movements suddenly became more staggered as Rey dipped down onto him yet again. He abruptly grabbed her shoulders then, pushing her back so that he could look upon her face, eyes intense and piercing with a look she had seen once before, when he had first asked her to take his hand, said own hands now moving up to entangle themselves in her hair.

Rey swallowed hard, daring to inch closer, but never breaking eye contact. They were so close that she could smell the sweat on his skin, see the scar she’d given him...

She didn’t know how it happened, or who really made the first move but there they were, rocking against each other, lips pressed together in a frenzied mashing of desperation. 

She was surprised by the heat that radiated from him, how the kiss deepened with the entangling of their tongues. He hungrily devoured her and she reciprocated, the taste of deep yearning on her lips.

Ren suddenly yanked down sharply on her hair, breaking the kiss so that she had no choice but to lift her chin and really look into his face, now beaded with perspiration from his efforts. She looked back at him through half lidded eyes, her own face and body covered in a light sheen.

Rey’s lips slightly parted to release a pained moan. She felt her inner walls clamp tightly around him, thighs trembling from the way he rode her long and hard.

He must have been close as well for he began to piston into her at a bruising speed. He still held fistfuls of her hair tightly in place as she bounced up and down around his shaft. 

She cried out, a mixture of helplessness and pleasure as she crashed down around him and came. He was not far behind her, a thick stream of his hot come filling her, coating her insides and leaving her cunt pulsing as she milked him thoroughly.

It lasted longer than they both had expected, his head falling forward into the gentle curve of her neck, a groan emitting against her soft skin as he shuddered. The last of his seed coursed into her before his arms wrapped around her body in a heated embrace.

Neither moved from their seated position for several long moments though it became apparent that Rey had begun to shiver. She leaned forward with him still inside her, her forehead landing to rest on his shoulder, her own arms wrapping around his neck. She felt his well muscled arms tighten around her slightly as a strange synchronized hum reverberated around them, on the altar, in them.

Oddly, it felt right to be in his arms. It felt,  natural . But as Rey came down from her sex high doubts began to creep in.  


** _ Why was this happening? Why was she just sitting there after being violated? She shouldn’t be here. She shouldn’t be here with him. She should be angry. This was  wrong .  
_ **

Rey couldn’t think straight. She needed to get away. To be alone. To  process . So she whispered into the space between them, her voice quiet but direct.

_“Is it over, then?”_

She sounded broken. Felt broken. And in a way she really was. Rey felt his body tense at her words and after a brief silence he finally confirmed with a simple  _“Yes.”_

She was too afraid to move and so it was Kylo...or was it Ben? who had to make the first move. He roughly gripped her hips and pushed her off of his lap. It was odd to feel him withdraw from her so rudely and she stifled a small gasp when she landed on her forearms on the now hot stone of the altar.

She looked on as he climbed off the side of its surface and fixed the front of his pants before he knelt to retrieve his gloves and cape.

Neither said anything as he silently clasped his cape and began his descent down the stairs that lead to where they had previously been. Not once did he look back at her. She felt numb.

Ren stopped abruptly however, right before he would be out of earshot. His head turning to glance over his shoulder at her, his gaze scanning over her body before settling on her face. His features seemed to soften for just a moment when he noticed her inner thighs still wet with a mixture of her come and his seed, tinged red.

It appeared as if he were about to speak before he suddenly snapped his head back towards the entrance as if someone were calling for him.

_“Go. We’ve been here too long...”_

And then he was fading from the temples altar room until he had completely disappeared along with Exegol, leaving Rey lying on the soft earth near the Resistance base on Ajan Kloss, body sore and abused.

Luckily for her no one disturbed her during her meditation sessions in the forest. How would she explain the state she currently was in? Better not give them a chance to find her like this then. She quickly grabbed her pants which lay crumpled and dirty an arm’s length away and pulled them on, noting that her underwear were missing. Perhaps she had forgotten them in the haste of breaking the bond.

Boots were stepped into and then she was racing her way back to base camp, aching and slower than usual. Once back at camp, she didn’t stop to talk to anyone, faces a blur, voices muffled. She wasn’t even sure if someone had approached her. She just needed to be alone.

Finally shut behind a closed bathroom door, Rey hurried to turn on the sink. As the water rushed, she gasped for air in between cold splashes to her face. She felt utterly out of control. She looked into the mirror after a moment, her green gaze not recognizing the girl who looked back. She was as much to blame for what had just happened as Kylo Ren was. 

_ **How could she let him do those things to her...  
** _

** _ ...how could she  like the things he did to her... _ **

_ **...How could she still be thinking of him...** _

** _...Oh no..._ **

** _...She was definitely in trouble now..._ **

And with that revelation she lowered her head into the sink and retched.


	4. The Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confessionals and a bombshell ( ; i was also drunk when I wrote this chapter so apologies if there are typos.

Lightyears

Do you want your tears back?  
Lightyears  
They're gone  
I'm sorry ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Rey didn’t know how long she’d been asleep but knew somehow that she’d been sleeping too long. The sun’s rays that filtered through the shuttered blinds in her shared bedroom fell in warm beams across her cheeks making it uncomfortably hot.

Blinking back the brightness she sat up quickly, her head immediately swimming, nausea washing over her in dizzy waves. “Whoa, Rey. Not so fast...” Poe’s voice was soft but concerned. He was sitting in a chair by her bedside but had leapt up when she’d bolted upright in her bed.

His hand stayed cautiously on her shoulder as he gently reclined her back into a resting position. Rey laid back against her pillows while she shook her head lightly, still trying to comprehend.

Her mouth was dry, her tongue feeling as if it was cemented to the roof of her mouth. She swallowed hard as she spoke, her voice hoarse. “What happened?” 

It was Poe’s turn to swallow hard. Rey looked perplexed as Poe looked slightly apologetic before looking away, evading her question. Why was he acting so nervous? Why was he now holding her hand so tenderly? And why were all of her friends crowded into the much too small bedroom?

Rey slowly scanned the room realizing that in fact, all of her friends were present, save for the droids. Kaydel, who busied herself at a water basin, wrung a wet cloth loudly. As she approached to place the cool fabric against Rey’s sweaty forehead, she looked stressed. Her lips were tightened into a straight line and she quickly averted her gaze when Rey tried to catch it with her own before she returned to the basin on the nearby nightstand. 

Rose stood at the foot of her bed, her face tear stained and puffy, eyes red rimmed as she looked silently at Rey. That familiar sinking feeling of dread was slowly taking hold of her as she looked on, a medical droid rolling by with a metal tray full of foreign and scary looking instruments. Why was there a medical droid here? 

She hadn’t meant for her next words to come out so pitiful and small, but the reactions of her friends was making her quite uneasy. “Guys...what’s...going on? Why is there a medical droid here? And more importantly, how did a medical droid get here?” 

It was Finn who answered, though he ignored her questions. His voice was monotone and far away, as if he were speaking a thought not meant to leave his lips. He sat on Rose’s bed across the room, his elbows on his knees, his hands cradling his bowed head as if injured. “It was him wasn’t it?” 

Rey’s head turned too quickly and she fought back a bout of wild nausea that threatened to empty her dinner onto her lap. The current situation was happening too fast. “Finn? I don’t...what do you mean? Who?” She could feel her heartbeat quickening as he lifted his head, features crushed, eyes pained. 

“Kylo Ren. When we were on Exegol. During the battle with the Emperor. When none of the Resistance was there... Did he...?” Finn’s voice cracked slightly and he tried no further to speak, a shake of his head given before his head sunk back down into the palms of his hands.

The room seemed to still then, not a whisper of a breath could be felt or heard. Her breathing was coming more quickly now. To hear his name said aloud after so long, stung. It was too warm in the room she thought. 

“You’re...pregnant, Rey.” 

It was Poe’s voice that cut through the tension and although it was the gentlest Rey had ever heard from him, the weight of the words still took the breath from her lungs. 

She couldn’t breathe for several seconds, her eyes widening before clouding with the sting of salty tears that would not stop falling. There was a light squeeze to her hand then, which brought her back from escaping to a familiar windswept hut on a little island, surrounded by a violent sea...

Rey looked down at her fingers interlaced with Poe’s then up into his concerned face. “You didn’t know, did you?” She shook her head again only able to manage a whisper of “No...”

Poe looked torn as he gave another light squeeze to her hand before leaning forward to remove the cloth that Kaydel had placed there, replacing it with a kiss to her forehead and a murmur. “I’m so sorry, kid.”

As Poe reclaimed his seat, it was Kaydel who spoke next, busying herself with bottles that she took from a medical bag at her feet. She placed them neatly in a row on the top of the nightstand, never making eye contact. “The med droid ran some tests while you were out. Blood tests mainly. Unfortunately Tattooine doesn’t possess a medical droid equipped with sonogram technology but...we should have the analysis and results soon for everything else.”

Everything else? There was something that unnerved Rey about Kaydel’s refusal to meet her gaze. There was clearly something she knew or wanted to say but...didn’t. She couldn’t read her friend at that very moment and that bothered and frustrated her greatly, causing a fresh stream of silent tears.

No one said anything for several agonizing moments before the droid spoke robotically, rolling to the center of the room, a detailed hologram displayed into the space between them all.

“Blood analysis reveals heightened levels of hormones and iron deficiency. Dizziness, lightheadedness and nausea due to these hormonal shifts and changes in the blood pressure and heart rate should even out after the 11th week of gestation. You are currently in your 10th week. Should medications be administered to help alleviate symptoms until then?” 

Finn looked up then, his gaze cutting sharply towards the droid, brows furrowing. “Tenth week? What does that even mean?”

Rey could feel the walls closing in on her, faster and faster with every second that passed. The droid answered before the hologram disappeared. “The tenth week of human fetal gestation—or approximately two and a half months.” 

There was a tiny gasp from Rose as the realization of the droid’s information dawned on her, her hand reaching to cover her mouth, eyes widening in shock as she caught Rey’s eyes in understanding. Rey looked away, cheeks flaming red with shame. Poe blew out a sigh before slumping low in his chair. He said nothing, but tossed Rey a questioning glance as Finn stood up suddenly, his head shaking as he looked between them both. 

“Two and a half months ago we were on Ajan Kloss and then bouncing around star systems running from—“ Finn cut himself off abruptly, his gaze settling on Rey, accusing and incredulous. She now looked as if she had seen a ghost, complexion pale and sickly. 

“Was Kylo Ren on Ajan Kloss when the Resistance was there? Did he know where we were the entire time?” Rey turned to look at Finn then, her eyes wide and brimming with tears. Finn was her friend. They all were. They deserved the truth even if the truth was barely above a whisper and a single, shaky word. “Yes.”

Finn breathed heavily through his nose then, arms raising so that his hands could grip the back of his head in disbelief. He shot her another heated look before turning his back on her to exhale loudly.

Poe sat upright on the edge of his chair then, his own glance narrowing as he looked from Finn to Rey. “Rey you could have put the entire mission at jeopardy! What were you thinking?” 

Rey looked from Finn to Poe her chest rising and falling erratically. She was drowning in troubled waters of her own doing now. “I wasn’t trying to l—“

“She wasn’t thinking! She thought that no one would catch her and that, that murderer! She lead him to us through the Force, didn’t you? You left us to run after him and we couldn’t get to either of you right away more than once. You had us thinking you were in danger. But the entire time you were sleeping with the enemy.” 

Finn had turned back around to look at her angrily, each word he spat more hurtful than the last. “And for what? All so you could spread your legs for someone who killed his own father in front of us all? For a member of the First Order. Someone who tortured me and countless others. A Sith! It’s...it’s sick.”

He lowered his arms then and aggressively swatted at the air before storming out of the room, the door slamming behind him with enough force to crack some of the plaster from the molding.

Rey jumped, startled by the sudden exit, her chest heaving as she let out a low sob, burying her face in her hands to hide her shame. Her guilt. Her confusion. No one else moved. It was as if the only thing that existed were the quiet sobs emitting from her as she tried to make sense of it all.

Kylo Ren (or was it Ben?) and Rey had only been together a handful of times. While they had never been particularly careful, Ben was a lot older and much more experienced. He wouldn’t have let this happen. But how could he have known? Their encounters through the force bond grew stronger with each union they shared. She would have known. She should have known that her current state could be a potential outcome. She felt stupid. So stupid...

A hand settled gingerly on her heaving shoulders. When the hics and sniffles subsided long enough for Rey to look up she was surprised to see that it belonged to Kaydel. She still looked upset but she had sat astride Rey now, teeth catching her lower lip in an anxious bite. 

“I...the...the first time, I had no choice. But...the times after. I don’t—I don’t have an excuse. It’s just, we have this connection. I can’t explain it. I let him. I wanted him to. Why did i let him do those things to me? I don’t want to feel this way. Why do I feel this way?” 

Kaydel looked sympathetic as she reached for Rey, gathering her into her arms into a tight embrace. Rose was not far behind, her arms covering their own in a group hug of sorts. 

Poe looked on, his brows knitted together as he stared at the floor pointedly. “If Kylo Ren knew where we were the entire time, why didn’t he bring the might of the First Order down on the Resistance when he had the chance?”

The three girls broke their embrace and turned their attentions to Poe. Rey wiped at her tear stained cheeks with the back of her hand while Kaydel shifted uncomfortably in her spot on the bed. 

After a moment she looked to Rey and then to the others, a small sigh spilling from her lips before she spoke. “There’s...something you all should know.”


	5. The Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Accidents will happen, mistakes will be made...
> 
> (Sorry for the late post. I was sick one week and had to deal with personal problems the next. But I’m back, wine in hand ( ; )

Kaydel hesitated realizing that all eyes were now on her; questioning, confused, and suspicious. She swallowed hard, her own eyes finding the shuttered window a safe place to rest her gaze as she spoke. She didn’t want to look any of them in the eye at that moment. It was too hard to look at them as she confessed. Especially at Rey. As if the poor girl had not already been through enough. What would she think after Kaydel told her everything?

“I was approached by the General at the resistance base on Ajan Kloss shortly after we arrived. Her orders were confidential, classified, and on a need to know basis. As far as I knew, I was the only other person that knew about it...”

Rey had stopped crying long enough to stare attentively at the other girl, her brows furrowing in light confusion, her voice steely. She didn’t like the evasive way Kaydel was getting to the point.

“Knew about what, Kaydel?”

Kaydel sighed heavily before turning to face Rey, a slight tremble in her voice as she spoke.

“The general knew about you and Kylo Ren.”

The words were unexpected and weighted. Rey leaned forward in her bed, searching her friend’s face, her eyes. The questions her gaze held did not need to be asked with words and so Kaydel continued on.

“I think she knew even before we set up base camp on that system. I don’t know how. But, I was just following orders, Rey. I’m really sorry...”

Poe shook his head, one hand rising to his face so that his thumb and index finger could rub either side of his temples.

“Your information still doesn’t explain what orders you were following and why the general allowed this...What exactly was she trying to accomplish?”

Kaydel chewed nervously at the corner of her mouth before letting her head drop to stare at the floor instead of facing Poe.

“I was under strict orders to keep a close eye on Rey, especially during meditations and time spent in the wooded area surrounding the base. To see if Rey was communicating with Ren through the Force. Leia was quite certain that she and Ren would not be able to go long without some type of...contact.”

She shook her head then and looked up, features apologetic and slightly embarrassed. 

“She knew about the communications but when he actually showed up on Ajan Kloss in the flesh she made the decision not to alert the Resistance. He came by himself and covertly. I don’t think he wanted to do battle. And he harmed no one. I didn’t understand why she would make that kind of decision until I saw him and Rey...together.”

Rey looked down at her hands in her lap. They were visibly shaking now so she clenched them into fists to try to calm herself. 

“So you were spying on me.” The softness and vulnerability had left Rey’s voice. She wanted honesty—needed it. And she had grown weary of being vulnerable. This wasn’t like her. She was Rey of Jakku and if you could survive there, you could survive anywhere and through anything.

Kaydel seemed shocked by Rey’s statement, her mouth slightly agape before she stammered out a response. “Y-yes..”

Rey nodded, silently appreciating that Kaydel chose honesty, however unpleasant the situation was. After all, she herself had revealed quite a few bombshells only moments before. But as curious as Rey was, she didn’t press Kaydel to reveal any more of what she knew. It would only serve to make everyone else uncomfortable and Rey wasn’t quite ready to relive some of the more intimate memories she had shared with Kylo (and Ben). 

Besides, she had a sneaking suspicion that Leia was hoping that Rey could appeal to Kylo Ren’s other self and show him the light once again. Ever the mother. And now Rey was on the verge of motherhood herself.

The thought made Rey smile wryly, a pang of grief for the matriarch felt sharply and a shiver of hidden dread for herself and the life she now carried inside of her. Could Leia have known that this could be an outcome? She had to have known it was a possibility. The woman was a strategist for goodness sake. 

This was all too much. Rey reclined against her pillows again, her head starting to swim from the intensity of everything that had just transpired and the questions that remained unanswered. She suddenly felt tired and wanted to be alone. How ironic, she thought, because it had been the opposite not so long ago.

“Thank you for telling me, Kaydel. I know it must not have been easy to keep that to yourself...”

Kaydel gently placed her hand over one of Rey’s balled up fists. “It wasn’t. But it would’ve been even more difficult having to explain to Leia how I fucked up.”

The sudden chuckles and smiles from everyone present seemed to break the heavy mood of the room. Even Rey cracked a smile although the squeeze of her now unfurled fist gave her pause. She spoke plainly, her words having lost some of their edge.

“What am I going to do? I...I don’t know if I can do this.”

Rose, who had been mostly mute through much of the debacle finally spoke, gently placing a comforting hand on Rey’s shoulder. 

“Well, that’s why we’re all here isn’t it? We came with you to help you. It’s your decision. We care about what happens to you and we love you. Face it, you’re stuck with us. My sister had to raise me all by herself when our parents died and she was younger than you are now. She didn’t know much either. And she didn’t have as much support as you do here right now. But she found a way, her own way. And you will too.”

Rey smiled gently at them in turn before Poe shook his head and stood from his chair. “Well... what a Hell of a morning, am I right?” He gave a nervous little laugh before looking expectantly at Rose and then Kaydel. Rey looked quickly at her lap again as the others got up to make their exit.

“I’m sure Rey needs some rest now. We’ll be back later to check in on you.” 

With a few smiles and careful waves they opened the door, slipped through one by one and disappeared to start their day.

Now that she was alone again, the gravity of her situation was just starting to hit home. The result of she and Kylo’s union had created life. A new life with two of the most powerful bloodlines that Jedi and Sith alike had ever beheld. 

Rey’s uncertainty was evident in the shaky sign she released. She was frightened more for the life stirring in her womb than for herself. What kind of life would this child have? What kind of life could a little scavenger girl from a dust ball planet provide? 

Ben should be here she thought bitterly.

But he wasn’t. And what unnerved her further was that she could not feel the life that she had helped create with him. She breathed in deeply then, one palm gently laid upon her stomach. She tried to will herself, tried to search through the Force. But...Nothing. Not even a flicker.

An exasperated sigh was followed by the drawing of her knees up to her chest. She hugged them as tightly as she squeezed her eyes shut, whispering lightly as her eyes fluttered shut. 

“You’re not alone, little one. You’ll never be alone...”

But her feelings betrayed her words because at that moment, in a house full of her friends, she’d never felt more alone than ever.


	6. The Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey learns that she’s not the only one keeping secrets.
> 
> (did a little late night editing and cleaned up some grammatical errors and continuity issues)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long hiatus. Work happened and then the world really went to shit so I took a break from everything to decompress. But I’m back now and with more wine choices to aid in my smut. This chapter is long af but it won’t disappoint hopefully.
> 
> As always, constructive criticism or praise is welcomed. Enjoy!

Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru’s old farm had been completely transformed. The work that Rey and the group had put in had paid off tenfold. It was truly a place you wanted to live and a workable farm. Rey could not have been more proud.

The six months it had taken to get the farm up and running had not been without its troubles and setbacks. The biggest setback being Rey’s condition. As the months went by and the work grew so did Rey’s belly. 

She was no more than a month from giving birth and she was more than a little concerned. That same sentiment rippled across all of her friends features. Her pregnancy had been a difficult one plagued with extreme fatigue and fainting spells to say nothing of how her abdomen became swollen in her second trimester and doubled in size. She slept most days now and some of her naps were mercifully void of dreams. But there were nights when they were not and she’d wake up in a cold sweat, sobbing.

Her friends had whispered amongst themselves of suspicions of a mysterious illness or even more terrifying: Darth Sidious. But then a new fear had been confirmed on a rare trip to town to sell scrap metal a few months back. 

The town’s small, dusty clinic had the only functional and advanced medical equipment sophisticated enough to run the tests she needed for her condition. She had to catch the doctor quickly for they only ventured out that far only once a month. 

The confirmation in the form of not one, but two heartbeats had shaken her to her core. Some part of her had always known. After all, Ben’s mother was a twin. After consulting with the doctor who urged her to move to town to get better care from the med droids at the clinic which she rejected, Rey headed back to the farm, remaining composed on the sweltering journey back. She would not be parted from her friends.

When she had told her friends that night at dinner, there was stunned silence at first but then a lot of congratulating and excitement which had surprised her. She had even let herself get swept up in their joy although she could hear the light inflections of concern, see the small tightness in some of their smiles. Then there was the indifferent silence from Finn...

Things had never been the same between them since her initial confession. It broke her heart to have such uncomfortable tension between them. She ached for her best friend in more ways than one but understood the distance. They both needed it. For him to move on and for Rey to properly grieve.

Once she was alone at night, now having her own bedroom, which was being prepped to be more accessible for a new mother, she would scream into her pillow, willing her lungs to smother her to death to stop the hauntings she endured nightly. She had been sad and angry in the earlier months. And definitely not a joy to be around. Her friends could attest to that.

But Reys friends had stuck around, well after the farm had been up and running. All of them. Rey would be forever grateful to her makeshift family. She didn’t deserve them, she thought. They were too good to her even though she’d kept things from them. Even though she kept secrets still...

Now Rey snuck away from them to sit outside the home she had created with her friends to watch the sun set against the horizon. The days heat was slowly giving way to the desert chill of night, tingling her skin in a way she liked. The few moments of stillness she got from this new ritual she had adopted was therapeutic. She could just be. Just her and the two little souls that swelled within her. 

As the months had passed, Rey’s self-hatred and immense guilt had dissipated along with her dreams though she still had small moments from time to time where she thought she’d be better off not existing. She had something to live for. Two things to live for. Though she still pined for Ben.

And even as her pregnancy neared its end and the vivid dreams had begun to stir in her subconscious more frequently again over the past few weeks, she felt ready to relive and face them into the night. To get them over with so she could begin her new life with what she and Ben had created.

*********************************************

“What happened was a mistake. All of this is a mistake. You’re a mistake!” she spat. Rey had been arguing with Kylo Ren (or rather, herself) for a good 5 minutes about what had happened the last time they had disrupted the cosmic space-time flow by using the Force. She had managed to evade him for over a week, though his presence was always near and strongly felt. Now they stood in her cramped bedroom on the Resistance base on Ajan Kloss. 

It was a wonder no one had heard her or had come to check on her with how loud she was being.

Kylo’s features had not changed since he’d made himself known and visible to her through the Force. When he had dared to step over into her physical space, Rey had gasped loudly, not believing it was entirely possible. 

He simply stood there, tall, languid and unbothered, even after Rey’s barrage of exasperated and dramatic confessions. His dark eyes were unreadable but still managed to smolder, boring a white hot hole of uneasiness into Rey as he stared at her.

“You’re a bad liar.”

His voice was cool and tempered. It left Rey feeling agitated. Under the heavy scrutiny of his gaze, she shifted on her feet uncomfortably before shaking her head, ignoring the light fluttering in her stomach as he watched her intensely.

“Why are you even here? You still have the last wayfinder. You don’t need me anymore.”

Ren finally moved then, walking slowly up to a cautious Rey. He was close enough to look down on her defiant and flustered face as he spoke softly.

“I think you know why I’m here...”

She did know. She had known from the moment she could feel him through the Force. The reason caused a shiver to run down her spine. Rey was scared and unprepared for him just as she had been the first time it had happened. Yet her body felt itself yielding to the will of someone with far more determination than she could muster. The strange look in Ren’s eyes was evidence enough. There was a hunger there. One that only her submission could sate.

He let an ungloved hand rise to her face, fingers gently tucking a stray strand of her hair behind her ear. He was careful not to touch her although her eyes still widened at the dark mischievousness emanating from the normally stoic or volatile Kylo Ren. 

Rey took a small step back, a light shake of her head given as she eyed him with a combination of fear and confusion. There was a tiny tremble in her voice that betrayed the fierce expression that furrowed her brows.

“Stop...”

A small frown had creased the corners of his lips at her quiet rejection. No. Don’t. Stop. Words that the Sith did not hear often. Words that meant nothing to him, regardless of whom had uttered them. 

“Make me.”

He simply stepped forward with his direct challenge to her, continually stepping forward causing Rey to back up clumsily until the flat of her back had hit something solid. Cornered. Her chest heaved silently as she looked up at him, a hard swallow taken as she lifted her chin defiantly. 

She let her gaze settle on his face, taking in his features fully for the first time without interruption. Rey noticed the way his dark hair fell into his face, creating a striking contrast against skin as pale as snow. The blazing dark eyes to which depths she could not fully comprehend... The perfectly straight bridge of his nose, a little longer than it should have been, but a feature that gave him a more distinct and regal look because of it...because after all, didnt his bloodline make him royalty in a way? 

Her features softened as she lifted her hand, daring fingertips to trail the fading scar on his face, a stark reminder of how they’d treated each other in the past. Her voice was barely above a whisper as she spoke. 

“Did it hurt?”

He allowed her to trace the length of the mark, never breaking his gaze upon her as he swam in the green of her eyes. 

“A bit.”

Without missing a beat, Rey smirked sadly.

“Good.”

Ren needed no further invitation to close the space between them then. His hands roved everywhere; her hair, breasts, hips, backside and Rey’s movements mirrored his own. They ripped and pulled at each other in a lust filled frenzy until they had laid each other bare, skin to skin with no more barriers between them.

He left a trail of hot and angry little nips down the curve of her neck, teeth pulling on soft flesh to make her gasp in pain as he worked his way back up. The moans that followed from the gentle kisses and suckles used to soothe the bruised and bitten skin left her wanton. Rey was losing herself in the moment already. Right now she didn’t care if someone were to walk in and see what they were doing and that scared her. It was dangerous the game they both were playing. 

And with the fear bubbling just below the surface of her psyche, she pushed against him to throw him off, tripping him up in surprise as she tried to get away. What was she thinking? If he wouldn’t leave, then she would. This was wrong.

But Rey’s attempt to flee was not quick enough, Ren’s strong arms encircling her waist to draw her in against his bare chest, pulling her down onto the soft bed to join him.

So they were to do this properly this time?  
A small flashback of their first time together caused her to tremble as he leaned her back onto the bed. Rey put her hands against his bare chest and then pushed against him gently. Ren noticed and loosened his hold on her as her head settled against the pillow beneath her.

Neither moved for a long moment, both stuck in the past, unspoken words upon their lips. They simply looked at one another, eyes searching for something but only finding reasoning in the way they felt. Ren’s head dipped low to press his lips against her own in a deep kiss that felt like a warm fire rather than the searing inferno he’d tasted like before. It caught Rey off guard, her heart hammering against her chest and probably just as loud.

Whether the kiss was to reassure her or a ploy to coax her to give in to him without a fight, Rey could not tell. It left her coming undone and she was powerless to stop it or him as her fingers interlaced with his own and he settled between her legs. She wrapped them around his waist, one leg hitched higher onto his hip as he pushed himself inside of her. She moaned into their kiss at the act although it was much less of a shock to her body this time around. Her breath still hitched at the sudden feeling of being so full with his movements, her eyes opening as he lifted his face, staring into his hot gaze.

Ren looked down at her face flushed red as he labored between her thighs. Her attempt to take and adjust to all of him fully was admirable. It turned him on greatly, especially since he was currently buried up to the hilt in her and still wanted more. Although he was not as rough with her as the first time, he still controlled the pacing of their coupling which was quite demanding and unforgiving to her inexperience.

Tears had welled in the corners of her eyes as quiet sobs and moans mixed with the heavy breaths and light grunts he emitted above her. Her arms had wrapped around his vast back now, her nails digging into the battle scarred flesh there to latch on as they were too short to wrap around completely. 

Rey held on for dear life as he worked her over, the pain lessening more quickly this time, much to her embarrassment and shame. How could someone whose entire existence depended on destroying others, to annihilate the Jedi line, to cause chaos, shatter her innocence and leave her in complete ruin? How could he make her feel this way? And it wasn’t just the physical. Because that had been more hurt than pleasure so far.

As if he had read her thoughts, Ren grinded into her, hitting a spot deep within her core that caused Rey to cry out and crash down around him only minutes into the act. But it would seem that the Sith was not done with her yet, taking her to completion two more times throughout the night before he had allowed himself the same privilege.

Late into the night both realized that they were too spent to move and neither really cared to leave. They lay naked in her bunk covered with just a thin blanket between them. At some point, Rey had whispered to Ren that he really shouldn’t be here and he had muttered back that neither should she. She turned from him, her back against a solid chest that rose slowly with impending sleep. She felt strange and not because she had just shared her bed with her mortal enemy. She felt strange because even though her desire to flee was just below the surface so was a strong desire to stay. Rey knew what she was doing was supposed to be wrong but...why did it feel the opposite of that when they were alone together in this situation?

Well muscled arms slid over the curves of her bare hips then, pulling her into his still naked yet warm embrace. The intimate closeness of him yanked her from her thoughts as his head lowered so that he murmur sleepily into her hair.

“I’m lying to people too...”

The implication of his words dawned on Rey after a second, causing her eyes to widen. She closed her eyes with a small sigh, pushing the thought of what her friends would think if they knew out of her mind. And then there was Leia. Oh gods, Leia... A small tear escaped her eye as she mustered everything within her to fight back the rest. Ren gently turned her entire body back to face him and she realized he was already staring at her with the same intensity he’d had earlier that night. A shy hand rose to gently caress his cheek. At that moment Rey knew that it was Ben who was looking back at her. She wagered then that it was just one night, that it was a night not spent with Ren but with Ben. And that felt validating. And so Rey bargained with herself that this night was theirs to take.

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place during and directly after events of Star Wars-The Rise of Skywalker. Nothing has changed post-canon , however, non-canon flashbacks will reveal scenes during TRoS that are still crucial to the story. NSFW, non-con elements and mature content ahead. Reader discretion advised for those easily triggered. New chapters every Saturday. Your feedback is encouraged! Enjoy!


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